Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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