you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
