the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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