i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
