Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize