Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
