I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
