This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
