found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
