Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize