Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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