Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
