I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Bring me that man meat
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
