My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
