Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
