I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
