I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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