So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
