how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
