I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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