he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
