You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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