I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
