ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
