drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
