Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
