Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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