Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
