It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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