no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
