I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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