; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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