talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
