Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
