This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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