All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
