she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
