Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
