my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
