I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
