hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
