Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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