please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
