walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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