I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
