about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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