Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
What a dumb baby whore.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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