I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
