i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize