i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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