I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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