You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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