Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
