I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
