I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He better not be in your backpack
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
