No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
