Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
PANTIES FOUND
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