its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
