how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
