Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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