Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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