Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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