Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
