I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
