Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
