It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
