I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
