i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
