So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
