I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
