are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
