He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
