it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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