I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
