i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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