I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
