my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
